My life could have turned out very differently. Having been born into a cult, which I would come to leave nearly 19 years later, and growing up in a household where anger and yelling seemed to be the currency, let’s just say—things could have started off a bit better.
And while I stand before you today as a happy, emotionally stable woman, who is a productive member of society and finds joy and humor in life, my life could have gone down a very different path.
As a child, I was told that if I disobeyed my parents, Satan and his demons would come and get me. Therefore, if my mom asked, “Did you finish your reading assignment?” And I’d say, “yes,” in the back of my young brain I would think, But, what if I accidentally skipped a word? Then, I’d be lying. I should go read it again, just in case. And so it began … an OCD-like tendency to read the same passages over-and-over again … just in case.
We were socialized differently. What happened in the family stayed in the family, and forming close friendships outside the church was discouraged. Women had very distinct roles. A healthy sense of positive self-regard was frowned upon. So, amidst the anger and yelling, there I was … stuck. As an adult in my young dating life, if I went to a social gathering with a boyfriend, and I was ready to leave some four hours later, and he wanted to stay … we stayed. And while a party with a crowd of people was very different from being a kid stuck at home where tempers flared, it didn’t feel any different on the inside. I was once again stuck … among lots of energy-draining people. And so that began … a potential for PTSD-like behavior and a healthy dose of social anxiety.
It should have … but it didn’t. Why not?
Three Keys to a Better Life
To my credit, there were two traits working for me: 1) As an introspective person, I was fairly self-aware early on, and I knew that I had thoughts and behaviors that were not helpful, and 2) I had a built-in sense of unbridled optimism and the never-ending hope for something better. Couple those with, 3) changing my environment, and I had the magic ticket. By environment, that meant a physical move, yes. But more importantly, that meant changing my internal environment and my external social environment: moving away from people who were not mentally and emotionally good for me and finding a tribe of supportive people who were. I have many friends, teachers, and mentors to thank for that.
Which brings us to Heartfire. My reason for starting Heartfire Rising is to be that supportive coach and thought partner to bounce ideas off of. Someone who’ll listen without judgment and create a space for growth. I was fortunate in finding that support, and now I’d like to be that for others.
My life could have gone much differently. I’m glad it didn’t.